CAROL ELIZABETH

Today I was looking at my journal entries from this time last year. I was doing two types of journaling at the time— one where I wrote about my life as I was experiencing it and the other a written visualization of what I wanted my life to be. The former is filled with trepidation and fear, to the point of being annoying. At this point in time, The Divine Breadcrumb nor my coaching practice was even an idea. It was still floating in the ethers. I felt lost and had zero direction. But I didn’t have regrets. The visualization journal entries are completely different, acting “as if” I have all the things I want. Paragraph upon paragraph of where I’m living, what I’m working on, what I’m experiencing, and who’s in my life. It’s all fabulous and these entries makes me feel energized. Reading both types of entries, one might think I had a split personality. One personality grateful, abundant and joyous and the other scared, small and contracted. Yet both are undeniably me.

I have also written letters from my future self. This future self is so wise, so put together. She wears flowy clothing and exudes grace and confidence. She’s supportive and loving and has her shit figured out. She tells me not to worry and that it will all be ok. Funny, that’s exactly what I say when I write to my younger self. Me thinks there is a theme weaving its way through my life’s timeline. My future self has a twinkle in her eye as she assures me that everything will work out. She tells me that I’m loved and watched over. She tells me she’s proud of the woman I’ve become. She thanks me for taking risks and learning hard-earned lessons so that she can enjoy the life she has now. In my mind’s eye she is as real as anyone in my life today and I trust her words in the same way I would an old friend. Sound crazy? Try it yourself. You might be surprised by the words flowing from your pen.

Taking a look at my current reality I have to say that this past year has changed my life dramatically. I have done things I never thought I would do. Co-host a podcast? What? Talk with people all over the world and actually have genuine friendships with people from different countries? Impossible! Have the opportunity to study with coaches I admire and respect and become a coach myself. Crazy! Realize that thousands of people have read my blogs? Inconceivable. And yet, it’s all happened. It all started with seeds extracted from my imagination and planted on paper, in a notebook bought at Staples, no less.

At the same time, I still get into fear mode. I can fall into the trap of a scarcity mindset. Sometimes I cry and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just a way to release pent up negative energy. In any case, it sometimes feels like one step forward and two steps back. On the darkest days I go back to why I made changes in my life to begin with. I think about how I want to serve. Sometimes I just pray for guidance. Sometime I feel cut off from guidance altogether. Although, I’m the one cutting myself off. “Kind, easy, gentle, good” my coach tells me. So easy to be that way with everyone else and such a challenge to be that way with myself. Always a work in progress.

Little by little I stopped journaling about my daily feelings and started focusing more on my written visualizations. Some of my intentions have come to fruition, some feel like they’re right around the corner, while others still feel far away. But the thing about using your imagination to create the life you want is that you don’t feel scared if you’re not seeing signs of it happening. It’s just not happening yet. This got me thinking of the power of this one little word. There is so much hope in these three letters, so much possibility. Each day I am able to write and re-write (both literally and figuratively) my story knowing that it can happen. Maybe it will be exactly like I imagined or maybe the Universe has something even better in store. It will all unfold they way it’s supposed to. As much as I want to see all the steps of my path illuminated, I know that’s not how it works. It’s one step at a time, one Divine Breadcrumb at a time. I’m feeling hopeful that I’ll get to experience everything I want and more. Some things will fly swiftly into my life while others will challenge my patience. For as much as I want to rush them into creation, they’re not quite ready…yet.